Archive for July, 2013


We’d been together for quite some years and probably followed a “typical couple” path. You know the kind, a constant need to be together in the early days, meeting the families, petty arguments, first Christmas, moving in and so on. This kind of path should not be trivialised.

To walk along it and not stray or tire, you still have to be brave.

All things are important and special, in their own way. They help a couple learn and hold close all the little details that really matter.

Some of these details might not set the sky on fire but they will continue to burn, if you keep your eye on them.

As the years start to roll, waves of successes and failures wash your life. Making an effort not to get swept away is a must. The odd gift or slightest gesture can bring all those special moments, flooding back.

The ‘His & Hers’ hooks were a gift. A gift that had been lying in a drawer for years.
Even though they were the easiest of things to put up, I hadn’t rushed to get the hammer out and we couldn’t decide where they should go.

There were already hooks on the back of the bedroom door and the wall wasn’t right for them. No space seemed like the right one.

It hadn’t struck me that the hooks in the bathroom were there when we moved in and were to none of our tastes.Within seconds, they were down. A few minutes later, ‘His & Hers’ had found their place.

I put ‘Hers’ on the left as I don’t really have a need for mine. ‘Hers’ would be better away from the handle and the lock.

When I stood back and looked – ‘Hers & His’.

I asked myself dozens of times if I could stand it.

A betrayal of my OCD.
A sacrifice for practicality?
A sacrifice for love?

All of the above.
That is love.
Still hooked.

Words: 330

Read Full Post »


I walked into an alien world, for the past 18 years all I had ever known was those four white walls and the different nurses that came in with those horrible pills.

“Where am I?” I asked passers-by who hurried to get away from me.

So confused to where I was and who I was. I could see the sea, the smell of it, the feel of the wind through my hair, the wind I had missed all my life. Is this what life truly is? No routines. No schedules. Not being locked to a bed for twelve hours a day.

I was walking through a dock when I soon came to realise the beauty and majesty of life I had missed. Looking into the sapphire waters and seeing dozens of colours materialise and dance with one another I regretted all the times I tried to take the easy way out. I wondered if there’s any more places like this in the world, this could just be the start to my new life, considering if they don’t find me.

The waters were still and calm and people walked passed showing no admiration to the dazzling diamonds beaming off the surface. All my life I’ve never done anything crazy, I wanted to start my new life with something daring and exciting. I walked around the docks looking for that crazy thing to do until I came upon an orange funny ring.

“LIFEBOUY” it said. Eighteen years doing the same boring thing I wanted to claim what was rightfully mine, to live again. I took this lifebuoy of the gate, put my body through it until it was secured around my waist and jumped into the diamonds and the sapphires. And it felt amazing!

Words: 292

Read Full Post »


When a fierce gust lifted Billie off her feet she was lucky Mum was there. Mum’s fingers felt slippery from coconut hand cream slapped on just before, when the wind was a breeze as they strolled along the seafront.

‘Grip my wrists, Billie. Slide your hands up. Hold on tight.’ Mum had to shout.
Billie was scared. A salty blast shot up her nose and her shoes blew off as if sucked from her feet by an ice-dragon. Her socks were loosening. Her dress fluttered around – a flag on top of a castle. Mum eased backwards onto the grass, leaning away from Billie.

‘You’re all right, love. I won’t let go.’

The wind whistled through Billie’s ears, her eyeballs were ice cubes and her hair was being pulled out at the roots. Mum’s hair flapped around as she gritted her teeth and braced her legs.

She smiled, yelling, ‘Good job I’ve got a big bum.’

Mum always said it was too much takeaway pizza and yummy teashop cakes. Despite her situation Billie let out a giggle, which the wind whisked away. She felt Mum’s jade bracelet beneath her fingers, the one Dad gave her their last Christmas together.

Billie felt her socks go, left then right. She flippered her feet up and down like at the pool. The wind was trying to pull her across the bay but Mum appeared to be even stronger. She’d wedged her heels further into the grass. Their eyes met and they laughed. Billie felt safe. Dad had gone but Mum wouldn’t let go of Billie so easily.

Sometimes Mum forgot to put the rubbish out or spent the electricity change on ice creams, which had to be eaten in the dark wrapped in blankets. It’d been weeks since she’d hoovered. She’d taken Billie to school one day and it turned out to be Saturday but however windy it got and however long it went on for, Billie knew Mum would hold on tight.

Words 329

Read Full Post »


Imagine someone pushing down on your chest with their feet.
Blunt daggers plunging at your stomach, trying to get out.
Sweat forming in tiny droplets on the back of your knees.
The top of your back as though a kettle has just boiled below it.
All this before opening the front door.
Things had been rather strained, to say the least.
Well, that’s how I felt.

Contemplating if it would be better to walk in expecting a silent brawl or waltz in as though ready to announce wonderful, life changing news?
There is no answer to this question. Even if there were a thousand multiple choice boxes to choose from, not one choice would be suitable.

Despite the torture of recent months and the longing for hours of escape, under the gritty film of tension, every minute was filled with lust and desperation for intimacy that cloaked both our eyes.
We knew we could be happy but through effort and imagination, a monstrous wall of doubt had been erected.

A few weeks passed.
Encompassing a few uneasy get-togethers.
Resulting in sex, both hopeful and confusing

A short holiday, for her, planted seeds of success and failure, for both.
The next few days were spent with eyes fixed on a tiny screen.

My friend listened and asked all the right questions. He understood. Offered clarity.

I rehearsed a thousand times what I should say or do.
I couldn’t decide.
It would be best to simply let it happen.
Over 600 miles, both ways and around ten hours of driving, not including stops.

An early start. I showered and dressed, trying to steady my mind.
I hadn’t slept much after wrestling with thoughts and scenarios.

My car keys held all the hope in the world. My world.
A huge defining click into the ignition.
A solid turn.
My stomach lunged as I pulled out of the drive.
At the end of the road, I turned left.

My route to work.

Words: 329

Read Full Post »