A specially commissioned piece to celebrate the debut performance of H@ndles.
Zoe put an umlaut over the e in her name to make herself more interesting. Mandy said it was only an umlaut if it went over the o but she is wrong.
Zoë couldn’t decide whether to pronounce her name like Noël or Chloë so she put an umlaut over the o as well. Mandy said two umlauts together was stupid but no one cares what Mandy thinks.
Zöë liked her new name because it looked like it had eyelashes. Mandy said names don’t have eyelashes because Mandy has no imagination and we all hate her.
Zöë met a man called Päül on tumblr but it was just Mandy using an old e-mail account. Mandy changed her name to Mąňđŷ and we all said she was trying too hard.
Zöë unfriended Mąňđŷ on Facebook. Mąňđŷ changed her name back to Mandy because she isn’t nearly as exciting as she pretends to be.
Zöe experimented with just an umlaut on the o of her name and started pronouncing her name Zer-ee. Mandy changed her name to Zoe because she is a nasty bitch who will do anything for attention and she smells of sex and bacon and we call her sexy bacon because she is a pig.
Zöe unfollowed Zoe. Zoe reported Zöe as spam because she takes everything too far and we all wish she would just go away and Jack says he did her round the back of school and he probably did because she is so desperate.
Zöe changed her name to Zȣe because it looked like a charity ribbon which was ironic and clever.
Zoe changed her name to Zȣe too because she is a skank and her legs look like uncooked sausages and she only has like six friends on Facebook and most of them are old men who are trying to groom her and she probably loves them.
Zoe changed her name to Mandy. Mandy changed her name to Zoe. Whatever.