Four Legs In The Morning – Written By Jonah Newton

For me, learning to walk was no problem – left, right, left, right. Some guys just can’t get it though.

They’re still crawling by the time they start nursery – yeah, I know – all fours.

For those of us that get it – we’re away – endlessly planning escape routes. I almost got out once – hmph! Mummy’s can run fast when they need to. Still, you can always race across the lounge floor while their watching TV. Ha! Make them sorry they ever decided to have you. That’s philosophy!

It’s not all about the ‘dash’ though. Through walking you learn to balance – and from there, it’s a hop, skip and a jump away from riding a bike.

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So, here I am, pushing along my bicycle. Oh, I can balance, but one puncture later I’m the free-wheelin’ Bob Dylan, heading over to Khan’s Stop ‘n’ Shop to buy a Fast Wheelz tyre-fixit kit – a rubber seal, some glue, and I’ll be good to go.

Of course, there’s always the bus – but I believe in leg-power. I mean, if there were no more bicycles, or repair kits; if the scooters had become extinct; and if the petroleum reserves were finished, well – then I could still use these hairy legs right?

 

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Yeah, these days my legs are still quite hairy but also very wiry. Now I have to wear long-johns and woollen trousers. My bones ache, and I shuffle along with a stick. The electric cars and scooters zoom past. You call that progress? They told us we’d be living on the moon by 2001 and we were supposed to have robot butlers and nurses for every household. But has that happened?

Hmmm, that old Sphinx-of-Thebes was right – four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon and three legs in the evening. That just about sums us up, right? Technology comes and goes, but in the end we all get achy legs.

Words: 326